So we started 2013 with two positives – going back to the GP for a referral and starting acupuncture. After the GP appointment I expected to wait weeks for a letter to tell us we had an appointment in 5-6 months. But on 1st February a letter arrived to say our appointment was on 27th February at Guy’s hospital in London. I was in shock and so excited, just couldn’t believe we would actually be walking into an IVF clinic and speak to someone who might actually be able to answer some of the questions I had written down over a year before.
So, the night before our appointment I went to print off a map for Guy’s ACU* but when checking the letter again realised the appointment was at the Gynae outpatients department… cue floods of tears and a phone call to my mum! I was so convinced this meant it would just be the same again… tests, no information and lots of waiting. Also, I think I had been so excited about the appointment I hadn’t let myself think about this actually meant: that we are infertile. We’re not just taking a bit longer to ttc, but full on infertile and as a result of that I’m going to get pumped full of drugs that will make me crazy and feel like shit and after all of that it might not work. And then we’ll have to do it again, and that might not work and over and over until one day we might have to hold our hands up and say “no kids for us”. And that, to be honest, fucking petrifies me.
*Assisted Conception Unit